stachitus allys/ponch/jamal/harold/

spends countless hours hidden in the cave of her room blogging, doing homework, sleeping and sacrificing virgins. Not really. that last one was a joke.

spends countless hours hidden in the cave of her room blogging, doing homework, sleeping, and sacrificing virgins. Not really. that last one was a joke.

A Plethora of What? Damsel in Distress Domino Lizbob Moon's Notes and Nonsense rockabye Zombiee

twitter facebook fictionpost myspace photobucket

I won't write like that anymore. I promise.

This is from this morning.

Dear ______ James:

Is it totally pathetic that I'm writing to you today? I don't care. I saw you lookig at me. You seemed almost jealous that I was talking to David! haha! Because I have a thing for David! haha!
I kept looking at you, but turned my eyes when you glanced at me. I didn't want to. I wanted to hold your gaze forever. I wanted to meet your eyes and make eye contact and say, "that look is for me." I can't even say if you like me or not, because I'm either too optimistic or too pessimistic depending on the day. You should know that I can't sleep. Because of you. I never thought I'd meet anyone this perfect.

We were alone in your car talking, and we talked about Michael. Then your Dad came and I looked at you and smiled. You were looking at me too. and smiling. I was so happy to see your eyes, I didn't notice what color they were. But they were beautiful. Smething happened. I don't know. Your dad said you were really easy to love. I said, "Yeah....he is..."
Eye luh vuh ha err. ooh. eye luh vuh Less tuh err Jay mess Lore et sun. Thee ss is ack choo all lee per re tea fun. Eye am less in ing two Van it tea. My fay for it saw ung rite nah ow es poe ker fay ss. Hee daz less mi. Let's ha vuh sum fuh nuh, thee ss bee t es see kuh, eye won two tay kuh uh rye duh awn ur diss ko suh tic kuh. Huh. Eye won nah key ss ewe, buh tuh eeh fuh eye dew, they nuh eye wheel meese ewe.

Tuh rye two die sect the hat.

Luh of,
Al lee sun.
I had some tea. It was almond sunset with a splash of vanilla and a bit of mint. I think I shall go get another cup. Cup is a really funny word when enunciated. Kh Uh Pp.
Ahh llll Eeee suhhh nneh. Haha! Pee ahhh nooo. grrr ann duh. I am going to write like that from now on. teehee!

Luh vuh,
Al lee sun.
I want soup....no, seriously...I do.
It makes me warm and fuzzy inside.
and some tea....in fact, I think I shall make some tea! With some peppermint extract.
Today I was genuinely happy. I loved today...even though most of it was spent sleeping. It was still great. I'm happy. Everything is perfect. But I'm sure that will be taken care of tomorrow. I can't wait for friday. Yay! Well, I love you.
I have written letters to you. But I can't use your first name, because you might find this blog and read it(because, you know, you're totally the kind of person who looks up blogs called stachitus). So I've decided to use your middle name. Yes, I know your middle name. James. It's beautiful. I have decided to put them on here. And they might sound a little desperate, broken hearted, maybe a bit obsessed and definitely infatuated. So be warned. I write them before I go to bed!

Okay, I wrote this today.

Dear ______ James:

Hello Love! Today I felt really sad, because of you. It wasn't really your fault. I started thinking that I didn't have a chance with you. And I'm really nothing without you. Well, you didn't really know that you were making me feel sad, but you smiled big anyways, and waved. (Thanks.) I was sitting in my car and I was intently focused on being sad. Your car was right next to mine, so I knew that we would inevitably cross paths. I wasn't quite sure if I wanted to see you. I kept saying oh crap oh crap oh crap. While you were walking to your car. I tried not looking at you, but you were so gorgeous I had to. It seemed light light was emanting from you. So I just stared at you with a grim look on my face. (Maybe a slight smile.) You smiled and waved and I tried to look happy. I don't think it worked too well. I didn't wave back, because I was too busy wringing my hands. Then you got in your car. I watched you. i think you knew that. I didn't care. I was intent in seeing you. It hurt. Being within a foot of you, only seperated by about half an inch of glass, and I couldn't touch you. Now that I'm thinking of it, it hurts everyday. Seeing you, wanting you, and wanting to touch you, wanting to hold you and kiss you, and I just can't! I rested my head against the glass and looked at you for a while. Step father sat in the car. I looked at you and you smiled big again and waved. I felt sick to the stomach as I waved back to you and had to watch you back up and drive away.




I wrote this last night. It has song lyrics. I know. Embarrassing. What can I say? It was a saturday!

Dear ______ James:

I never knew that I could feel like this.
Like I've never seen the sky before.
I want to find you inside your kiss.
Everyday I love you more and more.

Today I missed you. I cried. It was hard. It's hard seeing you too. I can get so close. Close enough to feel you. Hold you. But I can't even touch you. I have hope, but I still cry. every memory, all I have of you is happy. Every smile of yours makes me happy...and sad. The sound of your voice kills me inside. You have no idea what you are doing. I know you know. You know how I feel. But I'm still standing here without you. I shouldn't feel like this. I am nothing without you. Suddenly my life doesn't feel such a waste. This could either break my heart or save me. Maybe I am crazy. I shouldn't write letters to someone who will never read them! Maybe it just makes me feel better. Or maybe worse. I still love you.



This one was from november 14:

Dear ______ James:

I just want to let you know that you make me happy. my breath stops when I see you. My heart flies. I see every color brighter and I glow. from inside out. A bright euphoria shines from my heart making my smile bigger. Your smile shines and I wish it was for me.
I am going to die either way. If you like me, I will die. Of shock. I might kill myself. If you don't, well, I might kill you. So either I am a necrofeliac or you are a necrofeliac. When you smile at me like that, I could kiss you. And I don't care who's watching, or what happens. That smile is poison. Then you leave. You leave me there, smiling to myself. And then I cry. And you have no idea.
I cried. Perhaps I wanted you. I missed you. It was nice to see you. I loved watching you. Perhaps you kept your eyes closed because you knew I was watching and felt happy. Maybe you wanted to watch me, but I was intent on watching you and you were content with that much.

I smiled at you after I shed those first few tears. But I wiped them away quickly. You said, "Bye, Ally." And you looked back and smiled, and I said bye. I smiled as you said, "have a good day." And I said thank you and you too. I think you knew I wasn't okay as you drove away. I looked back after you left. But you didn't see it, and I didn't see you.

I slept. And I didn't want to wake up to the harsh rays of light that meant that I couldn't see you for another fifteen hours. I got up and got dressed and remembered tears that were caked to my dryest eyes now.
A is for adorable! i saw eagle eye yesterday. AMAZING!!!!
And this might be my shortest post.
All I have to say is:
"Yeah, Jerry, it's a coffee maker."
I go crazy. Yes. I have fallen into the depths of insanity. I have stepped over and under and fell into the looking glass. I tumble continuously. And something drives me crazy about you. There's something there. You're different. You want something. Your eyes and your being. Your presence. It is perfect. And intriguing. What are your thoughts inside of your thoughts? What are your dreams?

I have fallen into the blackest abyss. I fallen for you.
I wish I could just grab you. And hold on. Forever. No joke. I don't think I've ever felt this way about anyone. I peer(haha, funny word) into your face from afar. I breath in your scent when we are just inches apart. And I try. I really try to understand what's under those long eyelashes. Those beautiful eyes. Brown? Green? Hm. I wish I knew. You really do make me smile. Your voice sends a feeling like stage-fright throughout my body. What is it about you? Your smile makes me blush. Especially when it's directed at me. But it's so beautiful. Your skin...pale white and freckled...crystal clear and glowing. I can look at anything of yours and joy fills my bones. My heart pumps fast enough that it sends a smile to my lips. If I could, I would hold you. And kiss you and I would - AHHHH - I would know what in the world you are thinking when you smile or laugh. What you think around me and when you're not around me, do you think of me? And WHAT do you think of me!!!! I swear...I will go crazy trying to wrap my head around you.

I want to know what your lips feel like against mine. I just want to know...
I keep telling myself that you might like me. Now just...give me a sign! Will you?!
Sigh...
But even now I know you will probably never read this.
This is inspired by the song One More Day by: VAST. I also stole a little bit of their lyrics.


Things fall apart. A knife always strikes the gut, then the heart, kicking, punching, tearing at what once was and what is. Mysteries continue to mystify and and the calm of breaths of a whisper can break your heart or save you.
And does your heart heal?
Do you stand and flower? Flourishing?
I'm still remembering.
Breathing. Gushing in frantic breaths that can often be the only thing between sanity and the edge of nothingness. I'm getting worse. Or I'm getting through. Who knows which? are they the same? They feel so much alike. Perhaps we shall all continue falling - spiraling in this vertigo of dreams; this slumber that seems surreal. I will remain half-conscious, attentive and turning slightly away from a vicious, blinding light in my groggy half-state. I will remain wrong. Forever and always. I will dream of happiness and beauty, and I will cry. A wetness or dryness will lie in wait, boiling on my skin, for the day I will wake up and find the world in all its glorious wrath.
I have changed.
Realization brightens or darkens my face, I say I do not know. I've realized I was wrong, in the epiphany of my tearsand my slightly mended heart, in my bruised and broken existence, I was wrong. The realization brings morning dew or something like gentle rain to my eyes.

I'd give anything for one more day with you.

And it all falls apart.

oh noes! ★ birthday parties and robot trees. ★ Baklava...wait...no. ★ sushiii! ★ Bleh, photography. ★ Caffeine Deprivation Syndrome ★ MARCHing On... ★ cliche ★ Anticipation ★ Lyrical Lies? ★ August 2008 ★ November 2008 ★ December 2008 ★ January 2009 ★ February 2009 ★ March 2009 ★ April 2009 ★ June 2009 ★ August 2009 ★ March 2010 ★ April 2010 ★ November 2010 ★ Coded by wickedicy banner from Reviviscent.