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stachitus
allys/ponch/jamal/harold/ spends countless hours hidden in the cave of her room blogging, doing homework, sleeping and sacrificing virgins. Not really. that last one was a joke. |
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Wednesday, March 11, 2009,10:17 AM
dream
I had this beautiful dream the other night. Stephen was gone. It was just me and Mom. (gar! I don't care about your stupid grammar!) Fine then, Mom and I. And I woke up the next day. It was just me. Nobody else was awake. I made some Hot Chocolate. And Mom walked in. That's when I recalled the dream. Usually I live the dream. After Stephen leaves at seven. I still have to listen to them kiss unusually loudly, and it's disgusting. But after that, after I hear the car leave, it's all right again. Until he returns at five-thirty, and the nightmare begins again. But I still dream that they'll start fighting....(if I had a husband that controlling, I'd fight with him. GAH! I hate all his guilt trips.) And Mom will leave, and we'll move back to an apartment or house in Colorado springs. Maybe I could go back in time to when it was just us... Oh well, when I'm lying in my bed at night and I hear HIM talking about me, I wonder why she doesn't defend me. I think of the dream again, when they're fighting, and while he's at work, we take all our things and when he gets home, we won't be there. But let's be honest, that will never happen... Maybe when Matthew gets here, I can talk to him about it. But I can be a little mad at him, because the kid is stealing my room... Ah, well, TAH TAH! Tuesday, March 10, 2009,7:45 PM
...perfect?
I don't really know... what... this all means now. I never really... thought. about how empty I feel. that perfect beating. my heart? no. my brain makes it all. a perfect 4/4. every beat more terrible, more painful than the last. Am I? this robotic state of being. Am I? on occasion it popped up. the idea of me. my empty shell. Am I? |
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10 previous posts
oh noes! ★
birthday parties and robot trees. ★
Baklava...wait...no. ★
sushiii! ★
Bleh, photography. ★
Caffeine Deprivation Syndrome ★
MARCHing On... ★
cliche ★
Anticipation ★
Lyrical Lies? ★
Past posts by month
August 2008 ★
November 2008 ★
December 2008 ★
January 2009 ★
February 2009 ★
March 2009 ★
April 2009 ★
June 2009 ★
August 2009 ★
March 2010 ★
April 2010 ★
November 2010 ★
Credits
Coded by wickedicy
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